Sometimes, You Just Feel Rubbish...And That's Okay | Emily Bashforth

Sometimes, You Just Feel Rubbish...And That's Okay


We all feel rubbish sometimes, because we're human. We all get in sad moods, we all cry, we all feel empty sometimes and its important to remember that feeling sad isn't abnormal and it isn't a bad thing. Its more than okay to not feel okay.
When we're sad, instinctively, the people around us tend to want to cheer us up. They want to reassure us that everything is okay, give us a shoulder to cry on and take away our sadness when, actually, that isn't always what we want or need. Sometimes, we just want to feel sad. Sometimes we want to sob or listen to miserable songs or lye in bed staring at the ceiling for five hours or completely break down until we feel like nothing more than a shell of a human being. Sure, its nice to have people there to pick you up and its great to have a distraction but, sometimes, you don't want someone to say "Hey, come on, lets watch a movie and forget about it!" Sometimes, you just want to wallow in self pity and let your sadness absolutely consume you. Sometimes, you just want to be sad.

I feel as though feeling sad is viewed so negatively. No one wants anyone to feel in a bad mood so as soon as we notice a frown upon another person's face, we do everything in our power to turn it upside down. That's a wonderful thing, that we want to bring happiness into other people's lives, but it can sometimes do more harm than good. You see, by removing someones sadness before they've really had the chance to wallow in it at all can only make things worse in the long run. By putting their sadness on the back burner and pushing it to the back of their mind to immediately make them smile, its just a way of saving that sadness for a later date. Its like buying a salad that you don't really want to eat and shoving it to the back of your fridge, hiding it behind all the nice foods like the cheese and the chocolate. Once you've eaten the cheeses and the chocolates, you're going to be left with that salad and you're going to have to eat it at some point. Just like with sadness, if you keep pushing it away to one side and refusing to acknowledge the emotion, it's only going to come back later on and its going to hit you like a tsunami. And, because you've been ignoring it, you're only going to feel worse once you come to confront it because its like digging up the past and forcing yourself back into a bad head space. Just like with that salad, if you don't eat it straight away, when you eventually do, it won't taste fresh but, rather, a little bit brown, soggy and rank.

And it isn't just about wanting to feel sad, its about needing to feel sad. Life is all about balance. We must have a healthy balance of work and play, a healthy balance of healthy foods and junk foods and also a healthy balance of happiness and sadness. Think of your mind as a machine. Sometimes machines malfunction, they go wrong, and the human mind can malfunction and go wrong too. Everyones mind goes wrong in a different way at some point in their life but its only natural for it to do so. Machines don't last forever, even the best. They need time to recuperate, recharge their batteries and rest, just as human beings need to take time out from functioning perfectly sometimes in order to actually be a human being. It wouldn't be healthy for anyone to feel one hundred percent happy one hundred percent of the time because, again, life is all about balance. We need the sad times in order to really appreciate the good but we also need the sad times in order to be the best version of ourselves that we can possibly be. Sad things happen, we acknowledge them, we accept them, we deal with them, then, we move on. Sad times give us new experiences and they teach us things to carry forwards into future happy and sad times with us in order to handle them effectively. Without all the sadness we have endured thus far in our lives, we wouldn't be who we are. We wouldn't act how we do, talk like we do, think like we do, treat people like we do or feel things in the way that we do. Sadness is horrid, I get that. When you feel sad, it can feel as though the world is ending but just remember that the sadness is necessary and you wouldn't be here without it. We must all walk through storms before we are clean.

Admitting you're not okay is a true act of strength and bravery, something which is often mistaken for weakness. But, you see, when someone asks for help, they aren't weak, in fact, they're the opposite. To be able to put yourself out there like that, completely exposed, and say "Hey, actually, I'm not as alright as you think I am" is real courage, especially in a world which seems to want to force us all to be on the top of our game all of the time. Sadness has become a taboo topic, being mentally unstable has such a stigma surrounding it, feeling crap about yourself is mistaken for being miserable, boring, lonely and a down and out. And its a shame because none of us deserve to feel guilty for feeling sad. As I said, sad things happen in life, things we cannot always control, and they force obstacles in our way that we weren't expecting. We have to handle them however we feel is best but we must remember that feeling sad isn't a punishment for being who we are and it isn't right to make people feel sad about feeling sad. If you have the strength to admit that you aren't okay, then you have the strength to defeat whatever is making you feel not okay. If you aren't feeling happy, know that is ALLOWED! It is more than acceptable for you to feel absolutely horrible and it isn't selfish of you to want to feel horrible for a while.

I want you, yep, that's you, to be happy, as often as possible but, if you aren't you should know that's fine too. I'm all for injecting joy into the lives of others and doing whatever you can to ensure they're enjoying life as much as they can. But, sometimes, you just need to give people some time, take a step back and realise that they need to sort things out in their own time. There is no shame in sadness and there is nothing wrong with just wanting it to take over every inch of your being for a period of time, just in the way that you would want happiness to. Life can be draining and so, when we reach a point of sadness, we don't always have the energy to overcome it instantly and it can sometimes be hard to explain why we want to feel so down but know that you don't owe anyone an explanation for your emotions. Feel how you wish to feel and deal with things in your own time. There's no rush. Of course, if the level of sadness you're experiencing is becoming increasingly overwhelming and is more than just a sad spell, do talk to someone. Easier said than done, I know, but at least telling you to talk to someone is a start. You should feel able to speak openly about what you're going through without fear of judgement. To reemphasise, its fine to not be fine and people will understand that. Although, if they don't, that's okay too because they are YOUR emotions.
Don't give people grief for feeling sad - its a human emotion - and don't allow anyone to give you grief for feeling sad because, chances are, they're only making you feel bad because they don't understand, so, make them understand why you're sad. Or, don't. Its up to you. You never need tell anyone anything you don't wish to.

To summarise, 1) you don't have to feel okay. 2) its okay not to be okay. 3) we can all be not okay together. 4) things will be okay some day. 5) it isn't your fault that you aren't okay. 6) you can take your time to make things okay. 7) you're brave and strong. 8) love you.

Emily :) xx

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