Leaving High School | Emily Bashforth

Leaving High School


At 11:20am today, I left High School! *insert party poppers and applause here*

I completed my 24th out of 24 exams this morning and have now done all of my GCSEs. All that's left to do is wait for the results in August....but let's not get stressed about that just yet haha!

One blog post is most certainly not enough to express my happiness right now. For many people, leaving school is exciting as it means not wearing a uniform any more or because it means they can stay out late partying every night, however, my excitement was for a different reason.
I am sure many of you feel the same as me, which is really sad but true. School was not a happy place for me. My school years were some of the unhappiest years of my life and knowing I no longer need to go back there feels as though the biggest weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

Sure, I had some amazing times in school. Lots of funny moments are already popping into my head and, before school, I had never experienced the feeling of laughing so hard until I was on the floor with tears streaming down my face, however, it wasn't always full of lols. (This post isn't meant to be sad by the way but I really wanted to write it as my way of breathing a big sigh of relief :) )

Let us start with the subject of friends. I didn't have the best time with friends, I must admit. I don't intend to go into detail, therefore, everything in this post shall be in a nutshell, meaning you may have to use your imagination a bit! I began High School with a couple of close friends from my Primary School, which was a really happy place for me, however, they do say that, once you start High School, you find out who your true friends are, which I certainly did. This lead to countless lunchtimes spent either on my own, feeling sad or sitting with people who really didn't want me there. It wasn't fun, although, I do believe that, if I was still friends with those same people today, my life would be very different and I wouldn't be 'me!'
Over the past couple of years, I have formed an extremely close friendship with a few friends. I have never been one to have gangs of girls following me around and I am certainly be no means a leader of a group but I would say I now have 3 amazing more-like-sisters-friends who I know are there for me and have given me some of the happiest times, which I will be eternally grateful for.

Moving on to something which, sadly, exists in 99% of schools, as I guess there is always the exceptions. I am of course referring to the social hierarchy that dominated my time at school. There was a VERY clear divide between "them" and "us." I was part of the "us." I was never 'popular,' never went out to their parties (well I was never invited for starters) and never spoke to anyone who wasn't part of my friendship circle, as that was pretty much against the law. Although, I am really glad I wasn't part of the 'popular party' as I believe my outlook on life would be so much different if I was. I am very happy with the way I see and treat other people in the world and I am happy to say I am not judgemental or nasty like many of the people I was forced to spend 5 years with were. I think this is a massive part of why I am so introverted. Feeling like you cannot even walk into a room because you 'don't belong there' and it 'isn't your place' isn't a nice feeling but, sadly, is one I experienced to the max. Spending my break times and lunchtimes in the library with my friends rather than sitting in the Common Room with everybody else to eat lunch and feeling terrified every time we needed to go in there for something was something that happened too. Of course, this isn't meant to be a big "oh I'm going to slag off everyone I encountered in High School" blog post and I hope those people go on to do amazing things and have happy lives, however, all I am saying is that 90% of my year were 'populars' (as we liked to call them) and it definitely came across that they thought they were better than us other 10%, so idk if any of you are reading this but, if you are, I'm sorry if we ever annoyed you but good luck in life :D

PLEASE, remember that the number of people sitting at your lunch table or the number of Christmas cards you are given each year does not define you as a person and just because you get 1 birthday present from a friend, that doesn't mean you are subservient to the people who get 10. Those 50 'friends' you make throughout High School will not necessarily be there to catch you when you fall for the rest of your life, although, if you do have a million friends in your school, then I do hope you keep as many as possible and they are all always lovely towards you.
But, if you did encounter many nasty pasties in school who only had to walk past you to make you know that you weren't wanted there like I did, then I am sorry, here is a hug, go and eat some chocolate and know that not everyone in the world is like that! <3

Time to talk about the actual schooly stuff aka the learning, the grades and the classes. I think I spent most of my early school years trying to lie to myself. Throughout Primary School, I absolutely adored the learning and experiencing new things, however, I tried to kid myself that this was still the case in High School. Don't get me wrong, at first, I absolutely loved school and it was very exciting to finally feel like a grown up because I was allowed to write with a pen and not a pencil. The novelty soon wore off, however, and, towards the middle of school, I realised something, I do not want to be here. This annoyed me as I love learning but I think this relates back to the hierarchy thing again. There were clear favourites in my classes for my teachers. They may have just got more attention because they weren't shy enough to not put their hand up like me, however, the quiet ones never really got a second look and it led me to dislike school more and more.
I have always been a good student though and received glowing reports, if I do say so myself haha! I got good grades, did all of my homework and revised like a boss, despite always feeling like I was being compared to others. I was the quite one who no one really worried about as, although she never spoke, they knew she was fine because she was polite and they knew she would do lots of hardcore revision at home. I wasn't fine though. I struggled lots in lessons that I didn't like but was too shy and nervous to feel like I could ask for help. I'd rather struggle in silence and then wreck my brain at home trying to figure out the answers to questions we did in class than even think about talking to my teachers. Don't do this, please, it isn't fun haha <3

I was a very hard worker at school and this is something I am proud of and have no shame in saying. Yes, it means I had no social life whatsoever and barely left my house, however, I got my work done and would see results at the end of it, which I was really proud of as I knew it didn't come naturally and I had to try super hard to get the good grades which I did, however, this led to a lot of pressure.
No one ever said it, but I knew that I was expected to do well. If I open my GCSE Results in August  and reveal grade U's in all of my subjects, no one will say it, but I know they will be disappointed. My targets have always been grade A's and A*'s. which, personally, I never think is right and will never agree with schools setting targets. Everyone's target should be to do their best. Targets, as I know, can kill you slowly and take over your mind until all you see when you close your eyes is A*'s. They can start to control you and I know personally I had many moments when I would burst into tears because I didn't feel capable of reaching that A* that they said for certain I was going to get. I had many the Spencer Hastings moments believe me haha.
If you can relate to this, I am about to give you the worst advice, but don't let your teachers and your targets dictate your life. A target is something on a piece of paper. As long as YOU know that YOU  have done everything that YOU can do, that is enough. When you receive your final results, if you don't achieve your expected grades, that doesn't mean that the grades you did achieve aren't good enough!

High School should be a time of enjoyment before preparing for the next stage of your life. It should be full of joy and adventures. I turned down many opportunities because I constantly felt like other people deserved them more than me. I didn't go on school trips as I couldn't bare to spend time away from home with people who couldn't tolerate me.
My High School years were also the times when 99% of the rubbish things that have happened in my life, happened. But, of course, 97% of the time I walked into that place with a smile on my face, not feeling as though I could talk about my problems - which I guess is how I will always, annoyingly, feel. I spent a lot of time not wanting to waste people's time, feeling stupid and like I was not as important as anyone else around me. To all of you still in school, although I don't regret not getting involved more, I don't want you to. NEVER let anyone else make you feel like you don't deserve what you want. You want to go on that school holiday? GO. You want to wear that dress on non-uniform day even though you think you might be judged? DO IT. Don't spend your school life with your hair scraped back into a ponytail every day like me because you are too scared to have your hair down because people will look at you - like moi,

SOOOO, enough with the unhappy bits, WHAT'S NEXT?
Well, I currently have a Summer holidays which is 10 weeks long! In August I will turn 16 and, shortly after, will go to collect my GCSE Exam Results. I will then move on to College in September. Although the thought of College absolutely terrifies me, I shall try not to worry about that....until September haha! I shall most definitely write a starting-college-related blog post later on this year but I am hoping it will be a much happier environment for me and I will fit in more.
In college, the A-Levels I am taking are English Language, English Literature, Media and Sociology as I hope to, one day, venture into the world of media and journalism!
In case any of you were wondering, my favourite subjects in High School were English, History and RE (Religious Education).

Time to insert a quick virtual shout out to my amazing friends who did actually put up with me throughout High School and gave me some very happy moments which I will never forget. I also had some really wonderful teachers who I learnt a lot from.
Also, thank you to all of my Internet friends for being so lovely throughout my Exams and sending me lovely messages and always asking how things are going! <3

Many tears, countless chewed pens an hundreds of ponytails later, I am here and ready to start the rest of my life and be the happy person I feel as though I can now be....

I wish all of you lots of luck if you are still taking exams and, if you detest school as much as I did, hang on in there. You'll survive, I promise! And you will be sooo excited the night before you leave! I know I got absolutely no sleep last night as I felt like I was going on holiday or something! I had so many tingles in my tummy and I could not wait to leave that hell hole! <3

What are your favourite subjects at school? <3

Love, Emily :) xx

If you have any more school-related questions for me, Tweet them to me or comment them below!

7 comments:

  1. Okay gurl,first up.CONGRATULATIONS ON FINISHING SCHOOL!!! THAT'S AMAZING!
    Next! I am so sorry that there were people who made you feel unworthy,and just bad,and I'm really sorry you had to deal with that,BUT PROPS,SO MUCH NEVER-ENDING PROPS TO YOU GURL FOR NOT RETURNING HATE FOR HATE,BUT SHOWING LOVE AND WISHING HAPPINESS TO THOSE WHO MADE YOU FEEL THE OPPOSITE OF HAPPY!!! Seriously that made my entireeee week,you're so awesome,never forget or doubt that!!

    And as for your grades,THEY DEFINITELY DO NOT DEFINE YOU,OR WHAT YOU CAN DO IN LIFE AT ALL xxxxx

    And I'm sure you CRUSHED YOUR EXAMS anyway gurl so it's chill ;P

    Have an INCREDIBLE week and summer! xxxx

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    1. Hehe thank you very much lovely! :) no need for you to be sorry as you did nothing wrong & I guess there will always be those sorts of people in high school that you have to deal with! I'd never retaliate to them as it honestly wouldn't be worth it! You have just made my entire week too haha :) I'm hoping to have crushed my exams but we shall see in August haha EEK!! Loads of love xxxxxx

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    2. No problem at all gorgeous!! And yeah but it still sucks that there are people who make you feel bad! Yeah that's true,I'm hoping that there will be a change in what people are like though,I feel like,the more people there are like you,who show kindness to those who show hate,then the more change is going to happen y'know!

      Hahaha,you're so sweet gal! Yeah,I'm sure you did! Either way though,you're awesome and are gonna do incredible incredible things,grades can't change that!

      Love ya! have a great day xxx

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  2. Congratulations on finishing school!!! :) just want to say hello! and that this blog post was super good well written and interesting. Hope you have a super nice day huggs!x

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    1. Ah thank you very much & thank you for reading the post! :) it means a lot!! Hope you're having a wonderful day too! Lots of love and hugs <3 xx

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  3. Brilliant post Emily! <3

    I too had a crappy experience in school so I know how it feels to think that you don't fit in anywhere and have friends abandon you (I think it was because we were just growing apart but they decided to pick on me anyways). I'm SO glad that they did that, though by judging what they are into these days, we probably wouldn't be friends!

    I never felt like I truly belonged to any group in school and as for the "popular people", they kept having one too many drama's going on for my liking! Almost once a week, if I am remembering correctly! Just to warn you though, you will find that some of them will never grow out of their "I am better than you" attitude. For a person in their twenties to still be thinking like that is pathetic!

    As for my favourite subjects, that would be French and German. I found them insanely easy at GCSE level and my teacher was hilarious.

    xx

    shesthetallone.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. Thank you so much for reading the post, lovely & for sharing that with me in your comment! <3 I'm so so sorry that school wasn't the happiest place for you either. I totally agree with the fact that you wouldn't be friends with those not so nice people today. The people who weren't nice to me are really unrecognisable in comparison now to what they used to be like! :O
      Not feeling like you belong in a place where you have to spend to much time is a horrid feeling. Although, I agree there is way too much drama haha there was something every day in my school!! I totally get that they may always be like that too. Of course, some will realise the error of their ways & will get a shock when they move on to higher education and will realise they can't treat everyone how they please, however, not everyone sees the light & its sad really.
      I absolutely loved French & think German would've been so interesting to learn! Subjects are always so much more enjoyable when you have a nice teacher!!

      Lots of love :) xxx

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